The Pain is Not the Worst Part
“We fear violence less than our own feelings. Personal, private, solitary pain is more terrifying than what anyone else can inflict.”
Here’s a secret of depression that no one likes to talk about. We know depression makes your mind become a dark cave that seems like it goes on forever with no way out. The pain that depression delivers to your brain and soul is worse than any physical pain that I have ever received. However, the pain is not the worst part, it’s when you stop feeling. When you sit in the darkness of your mind and have no feeling for anything, no desire, no expectation of yourself or anyone else. I can sit for long moments at a time and just stare. One would think that I have dementia or that I am daydreaming or in deep thought, which I am at times, but sometimes, when the darkness drifts over me, I feel and think of nothing. I just am. That’s the scariest place to be because that is when it feels like you might give up. Numbness!
Of course, you are still feeling something because even numbness is a feeling, so accept it, acknowledge the insensibility and realize it is impermanent. You will bring emotion back to your mind once again, but be prepared. After the lack of feeling returns, it can bring a plethora of emotions that can be overwhelming. Don’t try to fight this either. Breathe deeply, think about what you are grateful for, get some exercise, and be gentle with yourself.